2018: Resolutions.
Every single year millions upon millions of people set out to lose weight,quit smoking, stress less, what have you.
Every year for me it’s been to lose weight. And every year it’s never happened, ha!
I’m taking a different approach this year.
On the daily I’m “Mommy”. At school I’m “Quinn’s mom” or “Harper’s mom”. I’m “coach” to Quinn’s basketball team, daughter, friend. And I’m beyond blessed to be all of those things. It’s a good life. I have everything I’ve ever prayed for and thank God for this life every day.
Realistically though, my days go:
Chauffeur, maid, nurse, toilet scrubber, boo boo kisser, hair braider, dog walker, teeth brusher, cat vomit picker upper, waffle maker, butt wiper, wine glass maker, small business owner, snack giver and bed maker. The list could be hundreds of pages long.
One thing that all of THOSE things don’t have in common? They have nothing to do with me.
I’ve fallen into the pattern of life where I feel guilty getting a pedicure, or hesitant to add that $20 drugstore night cream to my shopping cart. Don’t even get me started on going to the salon, because highlights are expensive and I only last a few months before box dying my hair back to its dark roots.
Self care ain’t cheap people.
Six days after having Harper I turned 28 and thought I wanted to go into my thirties as happy and as physically fit as I could. So I took the most intimidating leap of my life by joining a crossfit gym. I begged my husband for just 3 months knowing our oldest was about to start private school and didn’t want to be a financial burden. (hi, mom guilt!)
It was the best 3 months of my life. And when the 3 months were up? Saddest day ever. I remember hugging my one female coach who I absolutely adored and thanking her for everything and then silently sobbing on my way to the car.
For three months I had something for myself. And I think that’s what I was so upset about. Even thought Harper was still a baby and I usually has to rush home to nurse her and put her to bed, it was mine. Nothing to do with my kids or family, it was an hour I could socialize with some amazing people and do something for my carb loving self.
And the irony of it all? Quinn and Harper are now part of that same gym with their Crossfit Kids program.
If that’s not the story of my life I don’t know what is.
The saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” could not ring more true right now. I’m reaching the end of my baby having season of life in the trenches. And after all those years of putting my body, mind and everything into it, I’m excited to come out of the other end.
My entire December was spent unloading hundreds of wine glasses to the post office every.single.day. Usually with three kids in tow. And it killed me lol. I started my small little Etsy shop In hopes of being able to help out with tuition and anything else I could. And to be honest? I thought it would give me a more satisfying feeling of doing something for myself. But again it’s not for me. It’s for my family. Which I am PSYCHED about don’t get me wrong. I’ll never complain about working for a little fun money. I just honestly thought it would fulfill me in a different way.
I realize I’m bottom of the totem pole. Once Quinn was born that was it for me. These babies are the reason for everything good in my life and I’ll do whatever I can for them to have the best childhood possible. Those little faces have kept me happy and 100% theirs for the last 7.5 years. They’ve consumed all of me. Every last bit. Physically and emotionally.
But Hazel is closing in on 2.5 and it’s like I can finally sit back and breathe a little. It’s a good time for me to find whatever it is I need to find to fill that “me” void.
So this year I will cross my fingers and pray to Jesus that I can find something that helps me with this resolution. My resolution to be more selfish.
To let go of the g u i l t. Because I deserve to have something that keeps me sane. Something that benefits my mental health. Because honestly?
Anxiety is a real thing.
It only took me 32 years to have it slap me in the face.
I’d love to hear what other moms do to keep their sanity! Weekly manicures? Massages? Cleaning ladies? This seems more like a wish list than a question, ha!
Every year for me it’s been to lose weight. And every year it’s never happened, ha!
I’m taking a different approach this year.
On the daily I’m “Mommy”. At school I’m “Quinn’s mom” or “Harper’s mom”. I’m “coach” to Quinn’s basketball team, daughter, friend. And I’m beyond blessed to be all of those things. It’s a good life. I have everything I’ve ever prayed for and thank God for this life every day.
Realistically though, my days go:
Chauffeur, maid, nurse, toilet scrubber, boo boo kisser, hair braider, dog walker, teeth brusher, cat vomit picker upper, waffle maker, butt wiper, wine glass maker, small business owner, snack giver and bed maker. The list could be hundreds of pages long.
One thing that all of THOSE things don’t have in common? They have nothing to do with me.
I’ve fallen into the pattern of life where I feel guilty getting a pedicure, or hesitant to add that $20 drugstore night cream to my shopping cart. Don’t even get me started on going to the salon, because highlights are expensive and I only last a few months before box dying my hair back to its dark roots.
Self care ain’t cheap people.
Six days after having Harper I turned 28 and thought I wanted to go into my thirties as happy and as physically fit as I could. So I took the most intimidating leap of my life by joining a crossfit gym. I begged my husband for just 3 months knowing our oldest was about to start private school and didn’t want to be a financial burden. (hi, mom guilt!)
It was the best 3 months of my life. And when the 3 months were up? Saddest day ever. I remember hugging my one female coach who I absolutely adored and thanking her for everything and then silently sobbing on my way to the car.
For three months I had something for myself. And I think that’s what I was so upset about. Even thought Harper was still a baby and I usually has to rush home to nurse her and put her to bed, it was mine. Nothing to do with my kids or family, it was an hour I could socialize with some amazing people and do something for my carb loving self.
And the irony of it all? Quinn and Harper are now part of that same gym with their Crossfit Kids program.
If that’s not the story of my life I don’t know what is.
The saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” could not ring more true right now. I’m reaching the end of my baby having season of life in the trenches. And after all those years of putting my body, mind and everything into it, I’m excited to come out of the other end.
My entire December was spent unloading hundreds of wine glasses to the post office every.single.day. Usually with three kids in tow. And it killed me lol. I started my small little Etsy shop In hopes of being able to help out with tuition and anything else I could. And to be honest? I thought it would give me a more satisfying feeling of doing something for myself. But again it’s not for me. It’s for my family. Which I am PSYCHED about don’t get me wrong. I’ll never complain about working for a little fun money. I just honestly thought it would fulfill me in a different way.
I realize I’m bottom of the totem pole. Once Quinn was born that was it for me. These babies are the reason for everything good in my life and I’ll do whatever I can for them to have the best childhood possible. Those little faces have kept me happy and 100% theirs for the last 7.5 years. They’ve consumed all of me. Every last bit. Physically and emotionally.
But Hazel is closing in on 2.5 and it’s like I can finally sit back and breathe a little. It’s a good time for me to find whatever it is I need to find to fill that “me” void.
So this year I will cross my fingers and pray to Jesus that I can find something that helps me with this resolution. My resolution to be more selfish.
To let go of the g u i l t. Because I deserve to have something that keeps me sane. Something that benefits my mental health. Because honestly?
Anxiety is a real thing.
It only took me 32 years to have it slap me in the face.
I’d love to hear what other moms do to keep their sanity! Weekly manicures? Massages? Cleaning ladies? This seems more like a wish list than a question, ha!
Thanks for sharing this, Andrea! I too, feel that I am at a crossroads right now. My youngest is almost 3, the longest I have not been pregnant since 2007! I am not sure if we are going to have that, 1 more baby or not and although I am still very busy, I am seeing that I am starting to have more time for myself. I would like to find something just as fulfilling as being a full-time mom has been but not sure what that looks like just yet. I would like to go back to school but not sure what. I am praying that God will point in me the right direction this coming year, too.
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